Attachment and transitions...

The first night with Madden was hard.  (Not sure hard is a strong enough word to describe it.  Watching your son whose world has just fallen apart & sob for all he has ever known was enough to break this momma's heart.)

Every day since then has been a huge step in the right direction.  He has amazed us over and over again.  I owe so much of the credit to Madden's foster mom.  She prepared him so well for our family.  He immediately trusted us and that just doesn't seem to normally happen that quickly with other kids who are in this process. 

Madden is very social with a HUGE personality.  I'm sure that has also really helped.

There are some key things we've been told to watch for during this time of transition and attachment.

Eye contact--If the kids are feeling anxious or insecure, they usually won't give strong eye contact.  Madden has no problem with eye contact.  He will look intensely into my eyes and will hold my gaze...usually until I look away! 

Checking in--If we go to the park & he runs off to play, it's HUGE that he will look back and make sure we are watching and that he knows right where we are.  He does it every time. 

Mommy shopping--Another thing we've been told to watch for is mommy shopping.  That means, when Madden's out in public, he might want to go to strangers because he is still searching for his foster mom and is ready to go to someone else on the path to get back to her.  Madden instead will cling close to me and play with my hair (his item of choice for comfort).  He will smile and greet them, but he won't jump into their arms.

Comfort when hurt--When Madden gets hurt, he immediately seeks us out and wants comfort.  He asks for me to kiss his boo boos and will give me the biggest hugs.  That is another huge sign that he's feeling comfortable with us.

While in Korea, he would grab his shoes and coat and go to the door and want to be taken home.  It was so hard to have to turn him away from the door and keep engaging him in playtime with us.  He wanted to go back to his family.  It was tough!!  One time in Korea I put him in his Ergo carrier and he though we were finally leaving to go home.  He sobbed and sobbed when he realized he wasn't leaving us.  I put the Ergo away because I knew he thought that when he was in the carrier he thought it was time to leave.  (I actually put him back in it today for the first time since Korea.  He LOVED it and did so well...and I was able to get laundry put away while he hung out on my back!)

The first 5 weeks home, Madden spent nap time and night time in our room.  He would go to sleep well, but then cry out through the night.  Usually he would go right back to sleep, but you could tell that he just wasn't really sure where he was & was missing his home.  He will still occasionally yell out during his sleep, but it is much less now than it was when he first came home.  We've moved him into his room that he shares with Mason & I know that Tyler and I are sleeping much better now! :) 

There was one day when I was out shooting a wedding and Madden woke up from his nap.  Tyler got him dressed to take him outside to play.  He put on his cute jacket that he wore home on the airplane.  (this was about 3 weeks after he had been home.)  Madden lost it.  Huge tantrum.  Lots of sobbing.  The sight of the jacket just sent him over the edge.  I think he thought he was going to have to leave us.  That breaks my heart!  We put the jacket away & won't put it on him again.  (Don't worry Madden...you're here to stay!)

There was another time he woke up from his nap and I was the first one he saw.  He wanted NOTHING to do with me.  Nothing.  He looked at me with a look that just said he wasn't one bit happy to be with me.  It broke my heart.  He screamed at me.  He hit me.  He cried. I cried.  I wanted to just set him down and walk away until he stopped...but I knew that he needed to know that I wasn't leaving.  I stayed by his side and about 45 minutes later he finally gave in and calmed down and cuddled on my lap.  I was exhausted...but he knew I was there and wasn't going anywhere. 

Right now we are dealing with toddler tantrums.  He's definitely two! :)  But, I can chalk those up to the fact that he's a toddler and is asserting his independence. 

All in all...Madden is doing AMAZINGLY well.  He just fits in so well with our family & I am so so so so so grateful we get to be the ones to raise him.  He is such a blessing...we truly feel like the world's luckiest family.

Buddies

I turned the corner the other day and saw my two boys just hanging out together watching Robo Car Poli (a Korean cartoon).  My heart skipped a beat as I watched them just sit there together.  My boys.  Together.  Best Buddies.  One proud mom.