A new chapter begins...

After we arrived back at the hotel, we all had lots of fun playing together. Madden loved all of his new toys...especially his Pororo phone! We loved getting to know him better and he kept giving us lots of hugs and kisses, and big, huge belly laughs! Things were going along so well & I just couldn't believe he was adjusting to us so easily.

Tyler & I noticed that Mason really started to withdraw from all of us and sat quietly working on his Star Wars sticker book. Earlier, when Madden was playing, Mason said "I guess he's your new favorite, huh?" I told him that "I love all of my children so much. Nothing changes my love for each of you." We could tell that things weren't right and Tyler said "I think it has something to do with Miles." I agreed and carried Mason off to his bedroom to chat. As soon as I sat down with him he started sobbing about Miles. Seven years without his brother all came out at once. He sobbed that he didn't get to grow up with him, didn't get to play on a playground with him, didn't get to go to school with him. I sobbed with him because I 100% feel the same way. I wanted him to know that Madden didn't erase Miles. They are all my precious boys & I love all of my children so very, very much. He just laid next to me and snotted all over me. I held him close and let him talk about what life would have been like with Miles & we talked about what life will be like with Madden. Oh my goodness. That was so very hard to go through. I knew that there would be a day when he would grieve the loss of his twin brother...I just had no idea this would trigger it! After lots of tears, he went back out into the room and began to play with his little brother. (He's been SOOOOO much better after his meltdown. I just think he had to get it all out!)

We all enjoyed the evening together, ate bulgogi pizza from Pizza hut, and cuddled together and watched Tayo the bus with Madden. We kissed the older two kids and tucked them into bed and crawled in bed with Madden. He was doing ok when suddenly this low moan started. It was the most heartbreaking sound. The moan turned into a wail and he just lost it. He wanted to go home. He screamed out for his "Umma!" (and at that point I determined that I would now go by Mommy...it's just too confusing for him to have two Umma's at that point.) I rocked him and held him close and just cried with him. It was something that I knew would happen, but there's no way I was prepared for the deep, deep sadness that rose up within him. He eventually cried himself to sleep and then I laid there and cried. Watching both of my boys hearts break in the same evening just about did me in. I tossed and turned all night. Worried for everyone in my family. I prayed and prayed that we would come out of this unscathed. I prayed some more & finally fell asleep for a couple of hours. I woke up and stared into my precious new little boy's face & just sighed. He is such a perfect gift. We will get through this transition. Our family will weather this storm. Our Heavenly Father hasn't failed us yet & He will see us through this trial, too.